Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
