I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize