oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize