her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
