It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
