I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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