You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize