So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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