Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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