I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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