look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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