kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
