I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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