Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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