THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
