you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
