Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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