Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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