totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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