Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize