I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
