based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize