This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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