Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
