saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I will be naked everywhere
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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