somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm determined to sit on that face.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
