very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
