Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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