Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
