You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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