And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
