Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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