I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
