the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
