Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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