who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize