Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
