I showed him my bush... on skype.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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