just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
