i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
