I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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