I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i think i just lost a toe
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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