I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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