I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
