my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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