I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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