my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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