This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
