I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
