You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
