woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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