My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
