I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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