Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
