do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
