bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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