I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
