I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
