After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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