Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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