whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
