i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
