I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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