at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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