I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
