Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
