my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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