there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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