my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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