I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
