Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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